For Mother's Day, I had some thoughts...

Oh hey, it's only been 9 years since the last... to say a lot has happened since is definitely an understatement. So, anyway...

I am a worrier. I've always been one. For any situation I encounter, I think of the worst case scenario that may arise. I understand that they almost never happen, but I just could not stop thinking about them.

Imagine all the negative thoughts that came to mind when I learned I was pregnant with Ysla, and then imagine all the negative thoughts that came to mind when I finally gave birth to him, and then imagine all the negative thoughts that came to mind when we had to see a professional for every single thing:

Not gaining weight as expected.
Needing antibiotics at 2 months.
Ongoing allergies.
Having surgery at 7 months.
Crawling and walking late.
Recurring styes.
Trips to the ER and urgent care.
Still not talking much at 20 months.

It has been mentally exhausting, and yet I'm already anticipating for the next thing to happen. I do a pretty great job at handling it externally, but inside I feel like I'm crumbling everyday.

Now don't get me wrong, every single day has been the best day since he was born. But again, I worry that anything that happens to him will affect his future. I worry how this harsh world will treat him when he finally gets out there. When I see other children Ysla's age achieving their milestones, I feel like I've been failing as a mother. This is one of the reasons I'm trying to lay off social media and avoid posting his photos and videos. 

I have no idea why I decided to post this. Am I trying to ask for sympathy? I'm not too sure, but maybe? But I do feel tiny bit better putting this into writing. On the other hand, I also feel blessed that I have the knowledge to seek the right resources to address our concerns. I just hope we are on the right path.

Here's to all the mothers who are showing up and just trying their best.